Smokers

[Caligastia Lanonandek]

I've heard the stories of the bansee. However, the one's told me were not of an evil creature.
The way the tale goes, one of my inlaws relations was headed towards a bridge, the banshee appeared in the road pointing them into a different direction. Not inclined to disobey, they followed the direction. It was later learned that the bridge was out.

Some of their superstitions bear closer examination.

My inlaws practically nailed photos to the wall so they can't fall. The belief is that if a picture falls, within 3 days someone is going to die. I didn't subscribe to this nonense and positioned my wall hangings is a 'normal' fashion to the dismay of the Irish wife. The day came when one fell from the wall AND three days later one of the in laws died. Now the fellow who died was elderly and in poor health and his passing wasn't a surprise to anyone. Even so, the picture thing was interesting.

The fear of famine is inbred even into the 6th and 7th generations of irish americans.
I suspect they aren't even aware of it. Yet, if you look into the pantry of a irish woman, it is always filled to the brim with canned goods and you can almost never see the racks in the frig for all the food there.

Then, of course, you have two classes of Irish - the Shanty Irish and the Lace Curtain Irish.
The former is given to calling the later robber barons or worse, Orangemen.

During the unrest in the north, a fellow was walking down a street at night when a man grabbed him from behind, put a knife to his throat and asked.

Would you be wearing the orange or the green?

Not knowing which way to answer he replied,

Neither - I'm a Jew - Who are you?

He said,

Paddy, I'm the happiest arab in Belfast.

[jersey boy]

For some reason or another I received almost no schooling in traditions or folklore of the Irish from my family. I visited an unusually predominately Irish community in NY state one weekend while in High School with pals Richie and Tommy O'Mahoney, and that was one of the only times in my youth I actually felt at home anywhere. There was Drinking, Billiards, a Fair Lass, a swimming pool, and lots of good cheer between the Lads, even during the fisticuffs.

But back at the homefront, it was a given if you really pissed off my sister, or any of the other Irish ladies, they could turn into a "screaming Banshee" and the otherworldly potency of such an event would root one into an semi-impotent state where wrath was administered until its conclusion.

More often however it was a simple look that could kill that would tell us men that we crossed her chosen threshold of tolerance at any moment.

My favorite Irish Blessing.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

[Caligastia Lanonandek]

>>>could turn into a "screaming Banshee"

Have you ever met a woman who couldn't? All it requires is a little male inspiration

Two more:

May you be dead an hour before the devil discovers you've gone.
and
Bury me upside down so the world can kiss my a$$

[hollis]

May God let our friends remain our friends
And may God lead our enemies to turn their hearts
That they may become our friends
But if they do not turn their hearts
May God turn their ankles
So that we will know them by their limping.

[jersey boy]

>>>could turn into a "screaming Banshee"

Have you ever met a woman who couldn't? All it requires is a little male inspiration

I can't pinpoint it, it may be the genetics, but when an Irish girl loses it, look out.

May God let our friends remain our friends
And may God lead the commies to turn their hearts
That they may become our friends
But if they do not turn their hearts
May God turn their ankles
So that we will know them by their limping
And make them easier to
hunt down
round up
and deport to the Arctic Circle.

[z]

"..and deport to the Arctic Circle. "

Oh my.. This area is full of them already.

Hmm. Moon should be ideal for them - they could huff & puff over there without too much resistance.

[jersey boy]

So sorry Z, If I only knew my geography better.

I didn't mean to levy such a heavy curse upon my mates out your neck of the woods.

Antarctica was what I was looking for.

But now that I think of it, off Earth is better, the Moon is too close, how about an asteroid out past Pluto's orbit. Maybe Ol' Planet X will come in handy after all.

[Caligastia Lanonandek]

The Taxman Cometh...
SCHIP Legislation passed the House and Senate and has been
signed into law by President Obama, breaking his campaign promise
to not increase taxes on citizens earning less than $250K per year,
costing tobacco users over $35.3 Billion over the next 5yrs.

The SCHIP program will be funded entirely through
increases in tobacco taxes, taking effect April 1, 2009.
Below are the anticipated wholesale price increases
due to the new legislation:
Cigarettes - $6.40 per carton on all cigarettes.
Cigars - 33.6% increase.
Little Cigars - $2.20 per carton.
Smokeless Tobacco - 158% tax increase.
Pipe Tobacco - 158% increase in the tax.
RYO Tobacco - 2,159% tax increase,
$9.33 per 6 oz bag, $24.87 per 16 oz bag.
Cigar Wraps - 2,159% tax increase - $5.00 per box.
Cigarette Tubes - $0.16 per 200 ct box.

Also on April 1, The price of postage goes up (again). We need to fund the 5 day week as the postal service is asking to omit saturday deliverys.

[rob]

I'm a little young to be a big beatles fan, but there is one song I've long been a fan of. Suggested theme song for the Obama Administration:

TAXMAN

Let me tell you how it will be;
There's one for you, nineteen for me.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don't take it all.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

If you drive a car I'll tax the street;
If you try to sit I'll tax your seat;
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat;
If you take a walk I'll tax your feet.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Don't ask me what I want it for,
If you don't want to pay some more.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Now my advice for those who die,
Declare the pennies on your eyes.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

And you're working for no one but me.

[.]

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