|
Post by stephen on Apr 3, 2009 20:51:01 GMT -5
29. A wig van blew up on the motorway - police are combing the area.
30. Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
31. The bride's best friend is so proud, she's practically made of honor.
32. The man who bought too much graphing paper didn't know where to draw the line.
33. The proctologist reassured the patient that his condition could be rectified.
|
|
|
Post by stephen on Apr 4, 2009 0:54:55 GMT -5
34. The calculus teacher tried to keep his students on task, but the class discussion kept going off on tangents.
35. Dr. Heimlich manoeuvred through the traffic choke-point near San Juan Capistrano and waited expectantly for a swallow.
36. The man loved to play with kangaroos - he got a kick out of it.
37. The pirate captain's list was to starboard when he failed to ketch his bottle of port which fell onto the poop deck after he nearly keeled over.
38. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein.
39. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse.
40. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged.
|
|
|
Post by stephen on Apr 4, 2009 9:16:31 GMT -5
41. Arkansas Mississippi ask Missouri what did Delaware with her New Jersey? She stated: Idaho, Alaska
|
|
|
Post by mar10 on Apr 11, 2009 2:52:13 GMT -5
42. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
43. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
44. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
45. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
46. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
47. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
48. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
49. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE? (ask Obama)
50. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED? 51. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
|
|
|
Post by stephen on Apr 11, 2009 13:51:29 GMT -5
Marten,
A fan of Steven Wright I see.
52. Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint?
53. An ex-sailor prefers to forget the days he spent playing cards in submarines, dismissing them as 'so much bridge under the water'.
54. A person who can't get enough of this kind of humor is a glutton for punishment!
55. He was almost persuaded to invest in a poultry farm, but chickened out at the last minute.
56. I do a lot of spreadsheets in the office so you can say I'm excelling at work.
57. At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies were to take their final vows to become nuns, the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter the church just before the mass began. They were seated at the back of the sanctuary and insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The bishop wondered why they had come but didn't have time to inquire before the mass began. When it came time for some announcements, his curiosity got the best of him. He announced that he was delighted to see two rabbis in their midst at the mass but was curious as to why they were present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ." The eldest of the rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."
58. One of the first things you'll notice at the Beijing airport is a whole lot of Chinese checkers.
59. Harry and Clem the carpenters, argued mightily on how best to complete the dinette set they were working on. They finally agreed to table the discussion.
60. 'Come see my fishpond', she said coyly.
61. The soap-eating cult was swallowing lyes in search of the truth.
62. Many folks have known about the plight of the spotted owl but never gave a hoot about it.
63. Dutch shoes used to be made in a factory machine, until it got clogged up.
64. To keep someone from stealing your shipments of smoked salmon, secure them with lox.
65. What sort of vegetable can your father make with scissors? Pa snips.
66. What do you put in an urban garden to watch over your beets? A metrognome.
67. Those simian figure skaters are very good. They make prime eights
68. When the pirate captain's ship ran aground he couldn't fathom why.
69. I thought I only had enough flour to bake one loaf, but after I added yeast I had eleven breads.
And one of my favorites...
70. When making macaroni and cheese I didn't use the colander long enough, and wife gave me a restraining order.
|
|